几则笑话，祝大家周末愉快！[@};-] - 珍珠湾ART

A friend of mine was giving an English lesson to a class of adult who had recently come to live in the United States.
After placing quite a number of everyday objects on a table, he asked various members of the class to give him the ruler, the book, the pen and so on.
The class went very smoothly and the students seemed interested and serious about the work that they were engaged in until when my friend turned to an Italian student and said, "Give me the keys." The man looked surprised and somewhat at a loss.
Seeing this, my friend thought that the student hadn't heard him clearly, so he repeated. "Give me the keys." The Italian shrugged his shoulders. Then, he threw his arms around the teacher's neck and kissed him on both cheeks.

Virtue
Many years after receiving my graduate degree, I returned to the State University of New York at Binghamton as a faculty member. One day in a crowded elevator, someone remarked on its inefficiency. I said the elevators had not changed in the 20 years since I began there as a student.　　
When the door finally opened, I felt a compassionate pat on my back, and turned to see an elderly nun smiling at me. "You'll get that degree, dear," she whispered. "Perseverance is a virtue."

A Problem in Arithmetic
Bill is a good student and an intelligent boy. He likes to study arithmetic, and he can do all of the arithmetic problems in his book easily.
　　One day on his way to school Bill passed a fruit store. There was a sign in the window which said, "Apple-Six for five cents." An idea came to Bill and he went into the store.
　　"How much are the apples?" he asked the store.
　　"Six for five cents."
　　"But I don't want six apples."
　　"How many apples do you want?"
　　"It is not a question of how many apples I want. It is a problem in arithmetic."
　"What do you mean by a problem in arithmetic?" asked the man.
　　"Well, if six apples are wroth five cents, then five apples are worth four cents, four apples are worth three cents, three apples are worth rwo cents, two apples are worth one cent and one apple is worth nothing. I only want one apple, and if one apple is worth nothing then it is not necessary for me to pay you."
　　Bill picked out a good apple, began to eat it, and walked happily out of the store. The man looked at the young boy with such surprise that he could not say a word.
　　

Persistance
Returning from a golf outing, my husband was greeted at the door by Sara, our four-year-old daughter. "Daddy, who won the golf game? You or Uncle Richie?"
　"Uncle Richie and I don't play golf to win," my husband hedged. "We just play to have fun."
Undaunted, Sare said, "Okay, Daddy, who had more fun?"

绝配
A wealthy matron is so proud of a valuable antique vase that she decides to have her bedroom painted the same color as the vase. Several painters try to match the shade, but none comes close enough to satisfy the eccentric woman.
　　Eventually, a painter approaches who is confident he can mix the proper color. The woman is pleased with the result, and the painter becomes famous.
　Years later, he retires and truns the business over to his son. "Dad," says the son, "there's something I've got to know. How did you get those walls to match the vase so perfectly?"
　"Son," the father replies, "I painted the vase."
　

A Mistake
An Amercian, a Scot and a Canadian were killed in a car accident. They arrived at the gates of heaven, where a flustered St. Peter explained that there had been a mistake. "Give me $500 each," he said, "and I'll return you to earth as if the whole thing never happened."
　"Done!" said the American. Instantly, he found himself standing unhurt near the scene.
　"Where are the others?" asked a medic.
　"Last I knew," said the American, "the Scot was haggling price, and the Canadian was arguing that his government should pay."

New Discovery
A hillbilly was visiting the big city for the first time. Entering an office building, he saw a pudgy older woman step into a small room. The doors closed, lights flashed, and after a while the door slid open and a beautiful young model stepped off the elevator.
Blinking in amazement, the hillbilly drawled, "I should have brought my wife!"